my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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