i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
