you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I checked into jail on foursquare
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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