ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
