dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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