I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
