last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
