Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
