i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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