I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
false alarm. still invincible.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
