is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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