you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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