What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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