i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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