There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
