so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
