roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
