I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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