Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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