That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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