He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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