Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
