woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
