i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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