We won't sleep together?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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