To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i would punch a child for taco bell
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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