she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh god it's open bar.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
