Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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