She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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