I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
