I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
