I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
