My first STD was from a foam party
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
