i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
