I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
