I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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