She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
