They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
