he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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