he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
