apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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