I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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