Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
