I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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