Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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