He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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