It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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