Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry about my life...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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