Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
