You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
