Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
