the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
