can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
