I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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