Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
