the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
